Escape is important right now

Greetings from quarantine!

How is everyone doing? Hanging in there?

It’s a wild fucking time to be alive.

Ben and I were talking the other day about panic buying and whether that had been a phenomenon at any other time in our lives. We thought about Y2K, but we were so young then that we didn’t do our families’ shopping. And we weren’t particularly worried because one, we were young and young people don’t worry as much about stuff like that, and two, we grew up with computers and were pretty sure the world wouldn’t end because of them at that point.

Ben mentioned last year’s snow-pocalypse and we definitely caught wind of panic about that, but our stores weren’t running out of TP.

Me (left) and friend Karen during Snow-pocalypse 2018 – The students built the snowman. We just took pictures with it.

All that is to say, here we are living through a pandemic and it’s unnerving for absolutely everyone. It’s new. It’s scary.

It’s more unnerving for those whose wallets will suffer, which is a nice euphemism for desperation.

Ben and I are working from home and getting paid. Jacob is not working from home, but the library is still paying him, which is awesome and the right thing to do.

And I worry about the workers who aren’t getting paid and can’t afford to lose a paycheck. That’s who’s really suffering, the folks who can least afford to. The people with the shittiest health coverage and the smallest paychecks.

I have no idea what to do about that. I’d pray, but I don’t believe in god anymore. So, I’ll try to help where I can. Try to patronize local businesses as best I can and tip extra hard when I can. Maybe we’ll all get Trump Bucks, but that’s a stopgap measure for people who can’t afford to eat.

Meanwhile, I can’t read.

The slump I knew would come is here. I’m absolutely waddling through Old in Art School and I can’t find another audiobook thriller to listen to and my brain is just so full of work to-dos (which have ramped up) and anxiety.

But I know that my brain really really really needs a break. I can’t go on like this, with only to-dos in front of me.

I happened upon this article: “Why ‘getting lost in a book’ is so good for you, according to science” and I know from experience that it’s points are all true.

We can’t always be “on.” That’s why overwhelmed healthcare workers (and supermarket staff and bus drivers and Amazon Prime delivery people) are struggling right now. Our brains and bodies are truly not capable of constant, high-level performance. Anyone who’s worked long hours knows that. Important things, inevitably slip through the cracks.

So, I’m going to keep trying, in my off hours, to give my brain the rest it is craving.

Some things that have helped:

• Baths—I make a point of taking a bath every night. I know it’s an overused recommendation, but I’ve only just come to love baths, so I’m recommending them. but if you’re sick of hearing that, I get it, and here’s a good post for you.
  

  Bath, candles, Captain Morgan – a winning combo

• Journal—You don’t have to write if you hate writing. You can record yourself talking to your phone, then delete it if you want to. Figure out a way to get your feelings “physically” out of your mind. At the very least, this will at least help you acknowledge them. And sometimes that’s all it takes to feel better. At the most, you may discover you were feeling something you didn’t know about and may be able to sort that out…which will make you feel better.
  n 
• Set boundaries—Little known self-care practice that introverts have been performing for years. Because we need time away from other people to feel like ourselves, setting boundaries may come more naturally to us.
  n 
  But even extroverts who are dying for human contact right now can set boundaries with people who are a drain on their psyche. YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE YOUR SANITY. And if you set a boundary with someone and they have feelings about that, that is none of your business. Their feelings are their responsibility. Just like taking care of yourself is yours.

  

  This is not about being unkind. It is about being honest with yourself about your needs and limitations, then being responsible enough to meet your own needs. (If you struggle with this like I usually do, Boundaries by Anne Katherine is a great book to read.)

  p.s. This includes time away from your children. If they don’t need you watching them every moment, let them see you take time out for yourself. That will teach them that all people have needs, including them, and that it is necessary for grown-ups to be responsible for meeting their own needs. And you want them to grow up capable of meeting their own needs, right?
  n

• Stop news-hounding—Stop it. Time away from your phone or Facebook or TV or whatever is brining word of the current crisis into your life will not kill you. In fact, society will go on being terrible and wonderful and you knowing about every development immediately as it happens is not going to change that.
  n
  You can create peace for yourself in this moment by removing yourself from the fray. You can come back to it any time and it will still be there. But mind and body are physically deteriorated by stress. So, you choose: news as it happens or your actual health.
  n
• Music—Listen to whatever you’re into right now and watch your mood change. Bonus if you share via message with friends.
  n
• Memes—The meme generation is hard at work making us laugh right now. Find some funny memes and enjoy! (Good ones about working from home with your spouse.)
  n
  
  n 
• Take advantage of online everything—My Facebook feed is filled with resources from museums and libraries. Catch up on your favorite blog even—just make sure their latest posts have nothing to do with the pandemic. I love Frock Flicks and Man Repeller.
  n
• Board games/puzzles/video games—The tried and true are tried and true for a reason.
  n
• Binge-watching—Do it for your health.
  n
• Arts/crafts—Take a break from the virtual in favor of the tactile. Art therapy and occupational therapy are entire fields that prove the importance of making.

n

Ok, that was a lot and I got real preachy, sorry.

Really, this is a list for me. I just have a lot of things running through my brain right now, as does everyone, so I wanted to get them out of my head and maybe even help other people.

If this helps you too, I’m so happy.

Whatever you do, just remember that escape is not frivolous. It’s a matter of survival. Especially during the tough times.

Finally, comment or send me your thriller recommendations, please! I’m desperate!

Specifically, I love well-written domestic thrillers with women protagonists à la Natalie Barelli and Greer Hendricks. I can’t get into Sophie Hannah, Tana French, Gillian Flynn, Paula Hawkins, or Ruth Ware—so you see why I’m struggling…

One last meme for the road.